This post was supposed to go out yesterday but I spent a lovely evening with my boyfriend after a very long week of barely seeing each other and decided that was priority. It’s been a long week of finals and I’m almost done. Those of
you who have been to school know how stressful it is during finals. I wasn’t
even sure if I wanted to post about this topic of school and finals but, I want
to be honest and real. In the spirit honesty, I have to say ... this semester
sucked! It was horrible and I wasn't at school the majority of the time. It was
difficult for me to be there from being sick, anxious, and not being able to
sleep. It is the last week of school. I have been doing my best to rest up for
this week and take my exams. I have one more to do this weekend but I'm pretty
much done. I know judgment will come but honestly it could have been
worse.
I know that my grades are not going to be very good but I
will just have to accept it. You see, I am a perfectionist – I want my
endeavors to unfold in certain ways. If things don’t go according to my
idealized plan I feel unsuccessful. I know that isn’t realistic and I’m working
on it. However, it creates a bigger problem for me because my fear causes
self-doubt and in turn can generate anxiety.
So I had a moment of doubt ... Ok I have them all the time. I
doubt myself constantly and let my confidence be shaken by people and
situations in my life. Its hard to be confident in the midst of a storm for me.
However, when you can triumph through something, it helps you get a little
confidence back. Surviving finals will be a victory for me because honestly it felt like end of the world a few times. Along with other personal issues, my self-doubt and anxiety have made me question everything. I have doubted that anyone would want to read my blog because
there are so many out there. One day this week I was thinking, "Honestly, we are such a self-absorbed society that
thinks everyone cares about every little tweet, who will really want to read my thoughts?" ... You know what though, I want to
be one of the people who uses my struggles to relate to others and my happiness
to encourage others. So I'm here on the grid, putting it out there.
I realize as I’m typing, that this is an odd time to start
writing a blog. I know that it will be all over the place because one day I
will want to encourage and share happiness. Then there will be days when I am stressed and anxious, just coming here to vent. That’s how real life is though, and I don’t
want to be one of those bloggers and people on the Internet to portray this
idealized image of themselves. I don’t want to show tears either (if I do a
YouTube channel) but I want to be real with you. Anyways, be real with fellow
Hapi People and me by sharing your struggles through finals. Also maybe give
some tips on how to survive finals.
Peace&Love,
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