How to Express Your Emotions in a Healthy Way

Hello Hapi People!

I hope you are all well and hapi! If not, I can completely relate right now. I'm not sure if it's because I'm back from vacation, lack of sleep, or if life is just bringing me down, but I'm feeling easily frustrated. (I tend to say "I'm just peachy" lol.) Anyhwo, in order to try to brighten my mood, I thought I would share some pics from my Orlando, Florida vacation. I also thought that I would share something that has helped me and is really something beneficial for everyone... Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.



Now I know what you must be thinking, "Woah Amy, What in the world is that mumbo jumbo?!" Don't worry, I thought the same thing, but it's not actually mumbo jumbo ha-ha. I will get to that in a second. First, here are some pics from my vacation!

Disney World! My sister, Alison, and I really enjoyed ourselves.

If we could live anywhere else, Ali and I would choose The Wizarding World of Harry Potter! It feels like home when we are there. We love the food, butter beer, rides, and magical atmosphere. Harry Potter fans unite!

We had so much fun on our trip, we were exhausted and ready to come home by the end. If you are a Disney World or Harry Potter fan, tell the Hapi People what is your favorite part about the parks!

                                       

Alright, you stuck around for the nitty gritty... It's actually not that gritty lol. I have mentioned before, my struggles with mental health issues in previous posts and have given tips from the experiences those struggles gave me. One of those experiences was going through individual and group therapy based in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (or DBT, which is what I will use). DBT is basically a behavioral therapy that instructs people on how to recognize, understand, and communicate their emotions in a healthy and constructive way. Being able to express your emotions in a healthy way benefits not only you, but everyone with whom you interact. 

Let's break it down - DBT is made up of four components: 

1. Mindfulness: the practice of being fully aware and present in this one moment
2. Distress Tolerance: how to tolerate pain in difficult situations, not change it
3. Interpersonal Effectiveness: how to ask for what you want and say no while maintaining self-respect and relationships with others. 
4. Emotion Regulation: how to change emotions that you want to change.

I believe most people have the ability to put these skills into practice. The concept of healthy emotional expression tends to be put off as "touchy, feely nonsense", but let me tell you from experience that it keeps you from bottling things up. The skills listed above take time to understand and put into practice, but I thought I would give you a simple example today.

Let's say that someone points out a flaw of yours - maybe weight gain, acne, failure to accomplish something, whatever - it's rude, but you have a choice about how you react. Everyone reacts in different ways, I tend to be afraid of confrontation so I internalize things. I'll admit it, people walk all over me all the time. However, there are ways you can avoid beating yourself up or exploding at someone. 

1. Recognize your reactive emotion. Take a moment to understand what you are feeling before you react. Understand that if someone says or does something that upsets you, you are choosing to respond with this emotion. No one can make you feel anything, but it is ok to let someone know that what they are doing is causing a problem for you
2. Calmly express how you feel to the other person. No shouting, cursing, insulting, sarcasm, or any other aggressive or passive aggressive behavior. Choose assertiveness, where you take control and tell someone plainly that something they did upset you. Being able to tell someone that is perfectly ok.
3. Understand how to react to their reaction. You cannot control other people's behavior. The person with whom you are in conflict with may or may not respond the way you want. You probably want an apology and promise to cease future similar behavior. However, if they did not respond positively you can know you did the right thing. Maybe take time to question this relationship and see if there are ways to distance yourself from hurtful behavior or reconcile it.

This scenario and instructional guide are just basics of DBT. If you would like more information check out The Linehan Institute: Behavioral Tech website. They break down DBT, give research, and even help connect you with therapy and courses for more learning. I hope today's post was helpful. If you find DBT interesting and want to know more about my experience, just leave a comment. Also, if you have had experiences with DBT or are dealing with something difficult in your own life let us know, the Hapi People are all about helping each other.

Stay Hapi,

Amy